“So learning (making, coming to) rather than accomplishment is the issue in parenting .”

Polly Berrien Berends

I have read the quote above several times…Polly’s words resonate in my heart and mind. Breaking this quote down has opened me see what Polly suggests we struggle as parents with our children. Her quote is the balance to the equilibrium we, as parents, may be desiring and even striving for. Allow me to explain.

‘Accomplishment is the issue in parenting.’  WHAT IS SHE THINKING!? Isn’t accomplishment why we became parents in the first place? Milestones: such as rolling, walking, running, potty training, playing sports, performing arts, singing, out performing others academically and athletically, is our parent fuel. We transport our kids all over the state to ensure their ability to succeed and feel confident in their successes. Whats the matter with that, Polly?

Accomplishment: Something that has been achieved successfully
Success: The accomplishment of an aim or purpose.

“So learning (making, coming to…” Again, I read the words before this sentence over and over before I move on.

Learning: The act or experience of one that learns. Alternative: Knowledge or skill acquired by instruction or study


Once I was able to break this down, clarity presented itself! Our babies brains are born with 100 billion brain cells, open and ready to grow. How big is that you ask? 100 billion brain cells equates to the amount of stars that are in the Milky Way! That’s a mound of brain cells to work with. See, the brains gets stronger when it makes connections on it’s own. READ THE NEXT SENTENCE WITH AWARENESS: When it is contrived, the brain would need up to 100 times of that same experience before it sticks in the brain. YES, 100 times! We learn when we are taught; but we develop healthier brain connections with our brain cells when we are able to practice trial and error.

I conclude that Polly is suggesting we allow our children to fail; in turn, learning more from the experience. Watching our children fail is devastating. Why would we ever want to see failure in our children? Failure is defined as “lack of success.” Polly is telling us to focus on the ‘making, coming to…rather than accomplishment…’
AKA: Let our children fail.

How do we allow our children to fail? That, my friends will be another blog. For now, sit in this concept…wrestle with it in your brains…talk it out with others. Then when you are ready, watch & observe your child(ren). Do you allow them to make mistakes? Take the wrong turn, per say?

Please post a comment below or email me: Be Well!

Comment (1)

  • evaj22

    These posts are great lindsay!! Keep them up!

    September 4, 2019 at 6:59 am

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