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Relationships & Resiliency, Conclusion

Sometimes we do not think we can bounce back, we can! Sometimes we don’t feel we are loved, but we are! Sometimes we feel hopeless and do not know how to respond, but we will! No matter the circumstances, our ability to be resilient is present. It is tapping into one of the 3 properties of this concept that will make being resilient easier.

Pandemic toward deeper Resiliency

During this Pandemic, I have spent a lot of time learning about others. When the shit hits the fan, where do people go, how do they respond, who do they run or confide in? COVID-19 has put some serious scare into people, changing who they are around others, strangers and their perception of life has shifted. For most people this happened over 24 hours; their entire life before existed in another form. With property changes of who we socially interact with, people have become not only social distant, but have we become relationship distant as well? The relationship pendulum swings and narrows down how many relationships one can have; understanding that a virus is not only able to spread fast, it also takes lives. Who we are around matters more than ever. How we spend our time with those individuals matters more too.

We are social creatures. We have become so social that media and events have consumed how we live our lives for decades now. Since we are now limited in our contact with others, our media usage has adapted to video chat apps, Zoom, Google Hangouts, Facebook rooms and more. With all of these new adaptations in place, how does this change our relationship manners to another? Are we able to be fully present? Do we want to spend our time with just anyone?

We have become bias in who we spend time with and how. Through this bias, we feel warranted in how we spend our time. This bias is not judging, but formatting the brain to better recognize who is more valued in the relationship structure in the brain. This is pretty cool, because your brain is letting you know who meets the value you hold for relationships. This process has ended many relationships of friends, marriages, dating, families and more. On one side it has impacted others and on the other side, freedom to be with who we want has been granted. (As long as you are picked for their circle too!)

Less is More

This formatting weeds out people you could not before, or did not realize the value of relationship was lacking. In some way, our brains have shifted to a less is more property in relationships with others. Even though we are socially distant, we have become socially close to a select few, maybe no more than 10 friends in your contact circle. The level of honor and value seems like it would increase, since we are now depending on less people for more relationship.

Resiliency and how resilient people are does have to do with relationships, more than other attributes (experiences & response). If someone is alone and does not feel they have a close knit unit of friends or family, his or her motivation will deplete and hopelessness will trigger faster than the desire to save his or her own life. To live for something is to really live for relationships. Relationship as defined as a property in the brain is:  A binding, usually continuous association between individuals wherein one has some influence on feelings or actions of the other. 

The Three Properties to Resiliency

Since we are bonding with smaller groups, our feelings or actions toward those people may be deeper, making them have more meaning in your life and their own. It appears in this context; resiliency within our human population during this pandemic may have long term effects on who we interact with and how we spend our time with others. Instead of a group of 8 friends out to eat, most on their phones; we can be more intimate and have less over for dinner, making more time to spend with another. When we are in danger or a struggle, we have more memories of how we spent our time with others, making our resiliency higher. Relationships make this possible and the time spent nurturing them is why resiliency can be higher or lower for people. In blog posts Resiliency & The Bounce Back – Resiliency Part 2 the response and experience factors were worked into attributes that make someone resilient. The three main properties for being resilient are Experiences, Responses and Relationships. Based on how many experiences we endure, positive and negative, we have opportunities to respond to each event in its own unique way. Based on who is involved in our life will also play a pivotal roll in our experiences and responses. For example, if my high school child spends time as an athlete he or she will develop resiliency skills associated to having a unit of close athletes, structures experiences and strategies for responding. Where as, I have a high school child who works after school and can not participate in extra curricular activities may differ in his or her own approach to resiliency. Both can be mutually strong in resiliency, yet with how they spend their time, impacts who they spend time with. Because working is not as bonding as being on a sports team, the properties shift for the child working after school. Perhaps the experiences are more important than relationships. Conversely, the athlete spends a lot of time with his or her team, make relationships lead. No matter what, experiences, response and relationship all work in some form or another to meet the needs of resiliency in each human.


As you determine what is best for you and your family, decisions will be easier when you consider relationships that you want to keep in our life. Pursue those who you want to experience the Pandemic with, and spend time with those individuals. Some times it will feel like no one is around, yet we are. All of us are in this same ordeal, making our lives all feel very similar. Spend time with those who can be a support, build the resiliency and make new memories with your new unit of close connections.